Testimony, Client in Brandvlei Maximum Prison
Before THE RESPONSIBLE INDIVIDUAL course I used to have a dustbin inside of me where I kept everything in it but never emptying it. You know when you have a dustbin in your home and don't clean it, it is definitely going to smell and make you sick. This is what happened to me.
I used to blame people for my doing and the way I am. That I am not successful in life because of my aunt and people in general, that I am in prison because of my friends. I used to have all these negative thoughts about my friends and myself. "Blame, grudges, anger, resentment and revenge". Without knowing that energy follows thoughts. What I was thinking about myself and others created my reality.
But through this course I had an opportunity to clean my dustbin 'my inner being' and I have come to learn that if I am blaming others for my actions, then I am not accepting responsibility. I must take ownership of my feelings and emotions. Any emotion that leads me to re-action is my responsibility.
I am no longer suffering by the cocoon I had created by myself before SmilingOne. I have made peace with myself, past and present, by giving each and every happening in my life a positive meaning and by acknowledging and honouring my gift and abilities.
I used to build walls around me in order to keep out sadness and not for the people to take advantage of me. But I have also learned through this, that this wall also keep out the joy and that the sadness is not around me but within myself. I have a choice to be sad or not. This is one of the greatest values I have: CHOICE.
I must thank myself for making a choice to be part of this course. And I also thank my life coach Mr Sibabalo SoTyaTo for being patient toward me.
Talking about my life coach, you know, my life coach used to not have patience. He used to expect things to go his way until he left for the Group of Hope in June 2004 up until he came back to the room in March 2009 due to prison circumstances. But to my surprise a different man, a very patient man in my perception.But because I was operating from the system of a box, I was very judgemental. In March 2009 he approached me to join his Responsible Individual group - another surprise. But as I was listening to him I asked myself a question: How can HE tell me how to be responsible while I was the one who used to be better than him in regard to behaviour (I was operating from the box, being judgemental). But I said yes to joining him.
The bible says that the very same stone the builders rejected became the cornerstone of the house. The very same man I was judging not to be worthy of guiding me, became the key to my life-changing journey. Judgement prevents us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearance!
I must say that I am living my life without fear now, without judging and being a pleaser. I am allowing andd accepting, open to possibilities. I am respecting other human beings and appreciate them as one of the amazing gifts that I have ever seen and I respect the fact that we are all different. I am very proud of myself that I have taken THE RESPONSIBLE INDIVIDUAL Journal/Book, although it was very challenging for me in the beginning.